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When websites go bad...

I like bad websites. Seriously, they make me happy. I cheerfully tonk about on the internet looking for online shockers. And then I ring up the company, politely diss their website and offer to make it better for them. This works surprisingly well.

Anyway, I’m guessing you don’t want that phone call. So here’s a quick rundown of things that would put your website on my hit list:

Talk gibberish

Gibberish is a great way to attract the attention of a copywriter on a mission. Let’s start with this IT company, trying to attract customers who don’t know much about computers. Take a deep breath…

Gibberish

Do you have any idea what they’re talking about? Nope, me neither.

Put everything on one page

What could be more splendid than a confusing website? An even more confusing website.  Look, here’s one.

Confusion

You’ll probably find the kitchen sink somewhere. If you had a spare lifetime to find it.

SHOUT AT THEM!!

Capital letters always go down well. When it comes to being persuasive, nothing beats BELLOWING AT YOUR CUSTOMER IN TECHNICOLOUR!!!!

 Bellowing

 Sorry, give me a mo. I need to lie down in a darkened room.

Get your priorities wrong                                                                                                

Actually, this next website gets everything wrong. I’ll gloss over the shockingly dreadful design. If they get past the dull visuals, most visitors will click off when they see all those words. Very few will stick around long enough to notice the eccentric use of commas and Unnecessary Capital Letters. But I'll ignore all that. Just take a look at the first sentence.

Getting your priorities wrong

What does this company do? Well, I’m not sure yet. How will they benefit me? Dunno. Why should I stick around on their website? Um… But hey, they’re happy to discuss my project. In detail!

They’ll be getting my phone call.

Helen Beckingham is an SEO copywriter at Keyword Copywriting. Expert scribbler on websites, blogs and e-books, rather good bassoonist, terrible singer. Contact helen@keywordcopywriting.co.uk here